Dark Thoughts On A Gloomy Night

(written a little while back)

I don't want to think anymore
I want these moments to pass
To be done and gone
It's all happened before
I don't seem to be changing
Anything for the better
Am I improving anything
Or just doing the same damn things
Over and over again
Falling for the sames guy
Believing every little lie
Letting them make me cry
Stopping before I try
Then trying too hard for my
Own good
No one wants what I have
Yet they take and take and take
Then act like I'm the one
That is being selfish when I take
Any little thing
I don't have any big plans
No dreams drawn from the stars
Haven't written up any pragmatic goals
Yet you accuse me of scheming
Of trying to hook you in
As if I'd know what to do with you
If I had you
I'm really not the fool
I apparently seem to be
I am who I am and I'm tired of trying
To explain that to you
I'm too exhausted from this cycle
I'm not sure I have any more to give
But I know taking is not the answer
I want to run away somewhere far
From here where no one is relying
On me or pretending to care
Find a maelstrom to get lost in
An adventure to find myself in
Something I can believe in
Because right now all I see is lies
Like maggots and flies
Swimming in soup and champagne
Games played by cruel people
That happily pull at our strings
Good intentions and miscommunications
Driving canyons in between relations
I'm starting to want to be blind
To close my eyes to it all
I'm having to search so hard for kind
Thoughts and comments
I don't want to fall
Nor do I think I can trust in
You to catch me, seems too tall
An order to rely on anyone
But I know somewhere within me
That these are just dark thoughts
Creeping in at a dark hour to blot
Out all the light and all I have fought
For in the days that have past
And they have no power that can last
Over me for very long

To The Core

Skin tingling crawling even
Eyes twitchy and vision uneven
Mind racing and pacing
Round in the same directions
Tracing over the same lines
Till it's too dark to read the signs
To see what's right in front of you
We could scream till we're blue
But it won't change a thing
Till we're ready to take action
To take the time to listen
To our hearts and each other
To find ways to clear the debris
Cease our hesitation and be free
Of excuses and obstructions
To not overthink and analyze
Each thought and choice
To no longer be finding ourselves
Doubting our emotions and voice
To move forward unafraid to look
Back at our past and learn from our work
To find ways to take the good
From the bad and not be hindered by regret
To be willing to take a stand and set
The record straight not letting anyone
Take anymore than you're willing to give
If we only have one life to live
It must be our own to be shared only
In measures we can abide
And if there is a situation you have tried
Repeatedly to reconcile
Maybe it's time to recognize
That some things must be set aside
Let go of, whether for forever or just a time
Can not be know right away
And in such things you will rarely have a say
But you must walk away
Move on, grow up, change
Be who you are, can be, yet staying the same
At the core, for the most part
We like the tides are ever moving
Always changing and being affected by
All the things around us
There are times to go with the flow
To fight it, direct it, resist it
We must find it within us to know
That what we're doing is right
To no longer be second guessing
Each of our actions and stressing
Out about each of our choices
To be outside the maelstrom of indecision
That ceaselessly tries to pull us into
A cycle of self doubt
Finding a way to be who we are
In this world living our lives
In a way we wish and that fits us
All the way to the core