The One Constant: Change

We fear change so very much
Yet it seems strange to me
Because it is such a part of everyday
Of every part of our lives
Yet we fight against it letting
Something that is natural to life
Cause us stress and strain
Creating mental and physical pain
It's a bit deranged, but I don't think
We even realize what we're doing
Most of the time
We're trying to hold back the tides
Till the waters beat us and break us
Slowly reshaping and weakening us
All because we keep fighting against it
Trying not to be different, to not be affected
To have things stay the same
Problem is nothing stays still
And we're either going to get
Washed away or eroded till there is
Nothing of who we were
Or what life could have been like
Because it's going to come no matter what
We have to make a choice whether we
Keep fighting the inevitable or start
To embrace what may come tomorrow
What possibilities may be right in front
Of us right now, if we only stop looking
Behind us seeing redlights and obstacles
Those who told us to never change
To stay the same, that they liked us
The way we were, but they hardly knew us
And the troubles we dealt with
That learning, growing, experimenting
Is important for us to know who we are
If we hide from the changes in life
We'll never learn to deal with them
And we'll never know what opportunities
Are being handed to us each and every moment
Because we won't recognize or we'll turn away
I for one am tired of fighting it or
Trying to run away from it
I want to face change and deal with whatever it
May hold for me, no I'm not that niave
I know that accepting change is not easy
For some maybe, they were born to ride the waves
For others it takes a bit more to have the courage
To face our fear and stand when the world
Says that you will fall, that you can not break
Down the walls that have been built
By you or others around you
Some people will be so set in their ways
It is best just to let them be
Not abandon them or lose hope in them
But know that some of us our mountains
To protect and shade while staying
Mostly the same and others still
Are birds meant to take flight
Life is full of complications and adventures
Other elements will attempt to limit us
Lets try not to do so to ourselves
I believe anything is possible
No you won't get everything you want
Or expect, but maybe everything thing
You need and a few things you  weren't
Sure you thought were possible
And never would have been
If you'd settled to believe they weren't
Like a winding road full of detours
This poem has wandered as I try to say
What is bothering me and keeping me awake
That I don't want to be afraid of change
Knowing at times I will be and that's okay
As long as I don't let the fear keep me away

Independance

I was pushed and smashed
Till I ran to the edge
A kind soul came to give
Me a kind word
But then he thought that I needed
To be protected and sheltered
Maybe even hidden away
A hand up after a fall
A towel for the splashed beer
A shrug and word of encouragement
A push forward
Or even a shove away
When I lean too much
These things I have had need
Of at times, but to be treated
Like I can not take care of myself
Is not welcome any day of the week
I'm pretty good at getting myself
Out of a fight so it makes little
Sense for you to throw a punch
Or put me behind you, like I
Can't find my own way out of it
Certainly if I need a hand
Or even a partner in crime
I'll accept any assistance you can give
But please don't ever assume I am
Weak, helpless or need your sympathy
Again, please don't get me wrong
While I can be stubborn indeed
I'm not saying that at times
I couldn't use
Someone to lean on for a bit
But don't ever think I want
Someone to fight my fights
For me
If there is even one to be fought.
And if the fight is in my head
As I deal with a momentary dread
Don't you dare try to fix me

(A little post concert angst)

Searching For A Voice & Chiaroscuro

Searching for a Voice

For reasons I can't explain
I haven't written much in
The last year or so
Though I've felt it pulling
At me, like a thread on a
A seam, that if not tended to
Will tear the whole garment apart
Not dramatically, so anyone else
Is likely to notice it
No, slowly, so only I know
That I feel like I am fading away
From within, until I am no more
Than a wraith like creature
Here, but not, on the edge
Part of me feels like I've lost
My voice, that if I try to
Speak only a whisper raspy
Sound that you would not
Be able to recognize would
Escape my lips
I know these fears are foolish
That they are unfounded
Yet that does little to make me
Feel like trying to stand up
Only to fall over and over again
The truly sad thing is I know
That if I try the world won't end
My heart is not broken
I am strong, able, and maybe
Event gifted with certain talents
But I'm just too afraid of opening
My mouth and having nothing
Come out, of putting pen to paper
But having nothing to say
That anyone else wants to hear
I'd love to lie and say I don't care
What anyone else thinks
How anyone else will respond
Or won't
But that's too big a lie for a
Person like me who still
Has just the slightest shred
Of hope that there is something
More
For me to do, say, be, see
I don't know where to go
From here, there is no road map
And I know I'll fall over and over again
But I guess I'm still willing to try


Chiaroscuro

I never thought of myself as afraid
Of the dark
Of the unknown or unseen
But now I know it's the darkness within
That I fear
The emptiness I feel at times
The hatred and cruelty I see in others
As an artist I always thought of black
As a color, the combination thereof or
The shadows, the pupil in eyes
Staring you down
But it's disputed because in science
Black is the lack of anything
No light, no hope for life
In religion darkness is to be feared
It's whear the devil lurks in wait
Till it can try to lure you in
I never thought I was afraid of the dark
At night you just add a little light
And you can see just fine
But if all there is is brightness
One becomes blind
There is nothing to see
Nothing to define the scenery
No lines in a face to see
The pain or laughter in an expression
Light and dark should not battle
They should each play their part
To develop the pictures you see
But I've definitely come to fear
Certain types of darkness
Like how quick some turn to
Treat others with unkindness
I know not what to do about it
Except knowing that my palate
Is not monochromatic
While I can not truly help
That others affect me
In some ways
I will not let them change me
I will find my own balance
And still enjoy the star filled
Dark nights I love so