Searching For A Voice & Chiaroscuro

Searching for a Voice

For reasons I can't explain
I haven't written much in
The last year or so
Though I've felt it pulling
At me, like a thread on a
A seam, that if not tended to
Will tear the whole garment apart
Not dramatically, so anyone else
Is likely to notice it
No, slowly, so only I know
That I feel like I am fading away
From within, until I am no more
Than a wraith like creature
Here, but not, on the edge
Part of me feels like I've lost
My voice, that if I try to
Speak only a whisper raspy
Sound that you would not
Be able to recognize would
Escape my lips
I know these fears are foolish
That they are unfounded
Yet that does little to make me
Feel like trying to stand up
Only to fall over and over again
The truly sad thing is I know
That if I try the world won't end
My heart is not broken
I am strong, able, and maybe
Event gifted with certain talents
But I'm just too afraid of opening
My mouth and having nothing
Come out, of putting pen to paper
But having nothing to say
That anyone else wants to hear
I'd love to lie and say I don't care
What anyone else thinks
How anyone else will respond
Or won't
But that's too big a lie for a
Person like me who still
Has just the slightest shred
Of hope that there is something
More
For me to do, say, be, see
I don't know where to go
From here, there is no road map
And I know I'll fall over and over again
But I guess I'm still willing to try


Chiaroscuro

I never thought of myself as afraid
Of the dark
Of the unknown or unseen
But now I know it's the darkness within
That I fear
The emptiness I feel at times
The hatred and cruelty I see in others
As an artist I always thought of black
As a color, the combination thereof or
The shadows, the pupil in eyes
Staring you down
But it's disputed because in science
Black is the lack of anything
No light, no hope for life
In religion darkness is to be feared
It's whear the devil lurks in wait
Till it can try to lure you in
I never thought I was afraid of the dark
At night you just add a little light
And you can see just fine
But if all there is is brightness
One becomes blind
There is nothing to see
Nothing to define the scenery
No lines in a face to see
The pain or laughter in an expression
Light and dark should not battle
They should each play their part
To develop the pictures you see
But I've definitely come to fear
Certain types of darkness
Like how quick some turn to
Treat others with unkindness
I know not what to do about it
Except knowing that my palate
Is not monochromatic
While I can not truly help
That others affect me
In some ways
I will not let them change me
I will find my own balance
And still enjoy the star filled
Dark nights I love so