Off Kilter...

Sorry if I put you off kilter

It seems that I have no filter

When I’m around you

I say what I mean to

And do what I want to

But I guess I did hesitate a bit

Just trying not to make

The mistake of rushing

Things with you & ruining

What could be

Whatever that may be

I like you its true

I can’t help it or hide it

Nor to I want to

You say you may not be ready

But don’t want to scare me away

Because you like me too

Well I’m in no hurry

Nor am I that timid

Honestly I lead a pretty busy

And full life already

With plenty of friends and family

I’m not sure how much of that

I am ready to share with anybody

Just yet

I think that eventually

I’d like to share it all with you

I suppose that time will tell

Where we shall end up being

But I’m also not willing

To waste my time worrying

About the future

About what may or not be

Only way I can think to say it is

I don’t want to run to you

Nor do I want to walk away

I want to be with you

Just not everyday, not just yet

For us to have breathing room

To be ourselves and learn

About each other more

I actually like that we

Make each other nervous

It’s a good sign of attraction

With just enough reservation

To not be too foolish

To play it a bit cool

And take our time

It’s not like I know

What tomorrow holds

Slightly buzzed frustrations...

Procrastination & Frustration

So many times I’ve quit

Before I’ve really tried

Don’t ask me the reasons

I have no answers why

Apparently I’ve accomplished enough

That I seem a failure only to myself

This constant state of self sabotage

And continuing to deny myself

What I want for no better reason

Than it doesn’t seem the right season

Not the right time to reach

For what may be within my grasp

Letting too much time lapse

Though I know deep within

That no time is perfect indeed

All we can do is hope & plan

For tomorrow, planting a seed

For what may in fact be

And make the best of today

Yet believing doesn’t change the way

That I end up living this day no matter

What I may know or understand

Yet for all of my crazy dark words

On my feet I do usually land

And if I wobble or fall then a friend

Is not very far with a hand to lend

My mind racing with ideas

But no actual direction nor

Determination to proceed

I feel like it’s just out of reach

But maybe I’m just not

Willing to take a leap

It’s a sad pathetic excuse

When falling is not the

Worst possibility out there

Stagnation 

Strange feeling like I can

Do anything but not knowing

What way to go and then

Ending up spinning out of control

Or facing the fork in the road

Only to return the way I came

Choosing to go the road I know

Knowing neither path would be wrong

Being lost is not nearly so bad

As being stagnant and learning nothing

Cola 

If a soda isn’t enjoyed chilled

Out of the can in a slightly calm state

There’s only two ways it can go

Shaken it looses all it’s fizz

In an explosive depriving burst

Or it sits and sadly it just dissipates

Both outcomes are an awful fate

The words...

I've written it down in my little black book
Now the thoughts they aren't gnawing away
At the back of my brain finding little nooks
And crannies to settle into and fester away
I grabbed a pen like a nice sharp hook
And scraped them away along the white paper
The words have a certain magic and work
Much better when they are not stuck in the grey matter

Saying Good Night...

Been forever since I saw you last
How can it feel like yesterday
When I've forgotten so many things that have past
Know I never knew you that way
Not much further than hello how's your day
The time went by too damn fast
Can't help that I don't want to see you go
Even for a just a few days
What happens if I blink, do you know
I do, I might forget the way
It was when you made me smile
Fuck if I even remember your name
I'm doing good these days
The memories continue to pile
Up in so many stacks yet theres no way
I get to pick which ones I get to keep
People are the same exact way
So I can't help it if I want you to stay
Sure I can pretend I don't & just sleep
Ignore it and wish it all away
Not like I haven't lost others along the way
Or that I may not see you another day
That I'll be busy tomorrow anyway
That I've got things to do myself for myself
Still doesn't mean I should pretend
I want you to walk away or that it's the unselfish
Thing to do to hide what I want instead
Fuck if I know the right thing to say
At a any typical time and I've already said
Too damn much but not enough to make
You understand why I looked away
No matter what I do I keep making the same mistake
Whether I'm holding too tight and saying too much
Or ignoring everything and waiting, being fake
Not being myself, it's all the same such bullshit
It's always too soon or too late
Yet today seems a bit different
Maybe I'll have a bit of luck and fate
Will smile on me for another day
Because I don't care anymore about what's waiting
For me tomorrow or what titles we use or the way
That yesterday had to end
I know I'll see you some other day
So for now I'm going to go my own way