Journal Entry, Here I am...

Online Journal Entry

So I have thus failed at most of my New Years Resolutions. What are they really? Rules made to be broken or guidelines to push us and succeed by? Or, as is so common with me, a mixture of both.

No I haven't written each day. I have been writing more in the last few months than possibly in the last 5 years. Well, there was that burst at the beginning of the year before. So maybe I've written more in the last year or two than I had in ten. Either way, I still mean to keep a journal and work on trying to write nearly everyday and get some stories written.
A means to an end: I have gone back to school. It's sounds funny that way, I'm just taking one class. I'm in my third week of Fundamentals of Fiction.
Already I've gone through a comedy of errors, as is my way, to state it simply and quite honestly. If I said I didn't like it I'd always be at least half lying... because maybe my teacher is right, stories need conflict.
So the book I ordered though Amazon has been traveling around the US more than I have since I was 14. It first went from Chicago to New Jersey (hey my dad was born there, somewhere), then to Carson City and arrived in San Diego. After over a week of waiting I was like "finally it's here".
Ah, to no avail... it somehow was shipped out to New York where it did some sightseeing (or resting in the postal office confused) to be shipped back to San Diego many days later. I am still waiting & hoping it will arrive. I have since bought a book at the used bookseller for twice as much, that I have to return today if I hope to get my money back. Oh yes, in the middle I am still sick, stressed out by work, and getting frustrated by it all. Yet I have this desire to create and this almost disgustingly warm fuzzy internal feeling of optimism that I'm doing the right things for the most part, that I'll get better, get out have fun, stay in write or paint, and it will all work out. The only problem is know which way to go now. Stay in bed & hope that will rid me of infection. Pull out the table & a craft project. Go hang out with friends. Go to work and slosh through the paperwork, scheduling & phone calls. Or sit in front of the computer & write.
Well whatever the order... here I am...
I'm not staring aimlessly into a TV or a blank page (or screen) welling up with depression & regret. I'm moving forward. Um, yes, I did get caught up on two TV show episodes earlier, but I was also eating breakfast, drinking tea & taking my vitamins. Ah the life right... LOL
None the less... as I said, Here I Am... moving forward, not yet where I want to be maybe but where I need to be & oddly happy about it, all things considered.

Now...