Finding My Moxie! Excerpts from my morning diary entry and then some...

I write these words, repeating private notes to share a bit of my heart with anyone who wants to read on.
I do not want anything from anyone who reads this except to share. To express to you, the reader, my fight against old fears. I am not giving in, not giving up and I will continue to fight for what I & those around me need.
The fact is I have been unemployed for a while now. I'm heading into my first extension from the government.
I have taken advantage of the spare time, or forced vacation as many wistfully call it, in both positive & negative ways.
I have given in at times to fears and sloth. Letting bad situations get me down and depress me.
The break has given me abundant time to help both friends and family get through hard days. For me to share wonderful moments & experiences with those I care about. I've had the opportunity to travel to beautiful places. The added ability to try out new things, to take a few classes and to learn from all around me.

I am trying to make the best of this situation. To learn more about myself and what I can do to accomplish my dreams & make new goals. I will have bad days here & there, like anyone, but I will not give up!

Sans Recule Jamais

Life moves forward with or with out you
You can not stop the tides from changing
Though you can predict them better than
How your day may turn out & effect you
I can no longer wait here on the shore
I'm done wading in the shallow end
I'll take my chances with the sharks
If that is what must be
Knowing they're much more rare
Than the wondrous creatures and
Sites that fill this world

We are incredible machines
Our muscles & bones can
Can reform & be redirected after injury
Our emotions are able to adjust
To varied painful & joyful situations
Our heart & soul can stretch
To handle any measure of difficulty
Is able to spread, to love, care & share
To glow from inside & out
Create its own strength & energy
To not only survive but live care free

We all have these gifts
Like we are all hooked up
To an invisible power grid
Its true like our modern facilities
There are brown & black outs
When resources are lessened
Leaving us feeling a bit lost
Times when many are distressed
When many feel weathered & week
But unlike our power plants & generators
Of man made energy created by
God given talents
Or whatever creator within or with out
That you believe in
There is no lack of voltage
In the lines
It will never run out
Though we may have a hard time
Tapping into our own spirit
To feel that electric charge from creative
Energy and compassionate actions
Some feel burned instead of activated
It shocks like static electricity
When we touch a door or person
Making us jump back & retract
We recoil instead of absorbing the force
Letting it strengthen us
We worry that if we connect
Put our heart & soul into it
We will run out
Leaving us drained, depleted & destroyed
But I tell you now
No fuck it, I tell me
I remind, command myself even, to remember
There is nothing to fear
There is no end, no limit, no expiration
It can not be exhausted or extinguished
There will always be resources & support
For those that believe in themselves and
Seek it out, always and forever...


We are not flowers
Cut at the base
In a dry vase
We are predatory birds
That can fly free
We do not need to wilt
Just because the answers
Are far from us
We can stand tall
Like strong far reaching trees
Find strength with in us
To roar like lions fighting for cubs
Find our own paths in the world
With out a map or instructions
Practically with our eyes closed
Like a migratory birds
Flying home after great adventures
Our resources will never be depleted
We can make our own spark
Find the spunk and courage
To move forward
Find wonder and hope
In the darkest of places
Raise your chin
Take in the sun
No matter how cloud
Covered the skies may seem
To you in this moment