What I am in a glimpse...

Yes it’s true, I apologize too much

Except when it’s socially correct

I stare off into space and go away

To who knows where for periods of time

And when I get back I say strange things

That usually make sense, to me at least

Though sometimes to no one at all

I give too much of myself & settle in too quickly

Yet hold pieces of myself from everyone

I run away all the time, in my mind

But always come back or find somewhere

Else to go

You think you know me so well

But believe me when I tell you that you don’t

Though you may know me better than myself

My quirks are many
I giggle at odd moments or stay oddly silent
Seem far more serious than I ever am
Obsess on silly things & distract easily
I talk too much and interrupt

I rarely say what I really mean
Though I never intentionally lie or hide
Well sometimes

But because it’s safer for both you and I

That way 

I have trouble finding the right words

And I’m never on time

I know things will go wrong

But believe they’ll work out in the end

I’m overly polite, kind and compassionate

Yet part of me doesn’t fucking care at all

If you stay a while I’ll probably drive you away

But maybe we’ll find a space that we’re

Both comfortable with

A certain pleasant mix of solitude and together

An unset and not unsettling schedule

I do believe anything is possible

I just don’t believe that a lot of things are likely

To happen, just because they can or could

If you ask me I’ll likely remember the answer

Hours later after you’ve fallen asleep

Or tell you something close enough to the truth

If you walk away I’ll want you to stay

If you stay I’ll walk away or stay too long

I can try harder to do more and will

But for now these are the words I have

The accomplishments I have managed

And as disappointing as they may seem at times

They are enough, as am I

Don’t put me on a pedestal and I won’t spit on you

Don’t spit on me or ignore me and you may

Find I’m worth having by your side

I need my own time & space as do you

Sometimes neither will ever be enough

Or far too painfully much

Sometimes it will be seemingly perfect

Either way, as fucked up as it can get

It is what it is and I am who I am

And I'm tired of apologizing for that

Of making excuses for not being good enough

Or cool enough to know what band is on the radio

Or who invented what or to care what the reasoning is

Behind it all, it is what it is

I am who I am

I may never be satisfied with that and that's life

But if you're not, then do me a favor and walk away

Sooner than later

Because I may work to better my faults

But you have no more right to try to change me

Then I do to try to change you

If I try to then I do apologize, I never meant to