Volunteering my time
Silver skeletons shooting up to the sky
Destruction so evident to the eye
The dead trees surrounding this place
Where kids are getting away from facing
The everyday problems and separation
Reunited with siblings and friends
Yet hidden with in the laugher and smiles
Such damage lay disguised and filed away
Children that are nearly adults themselves
So many times moved and ignored
Promises broken, long ago swept off the floor
Their lives derailed, but yet they prevail
Constantly as they are lied to and swayed
Never being able to choose where they stay
They believe they are the ones who failed
At some point early on, still there are a few
The ones that move on from it, and away,
Who are strong and believe in themselves
Those that will not end up in jail
Or homeless on the street and repeating their
Parents or peers mistakes and do not fail
Themselves or the others who believe in them
They are the exception to the rule
The one, of many, that is not written
But witnessed by those that are not so cruel
As to keep a blind eye to that that is around
For them the most joyous sound
Is that laughter, for though it may hide
Layers beneath of sadness, it is hope
A small but great thing to know
That we may have helped in some way
For them to break away and cope
With what lays before them in that everyday
That we have shown them maybe a little
That some things can be constant
To believe in themselves and not settle
Nor continue to believe that there is anything they can’t
Accomplish in their lives, even if it’s just
Making it through another day unscathed
And knowing there are people who care
I walk away knowing what I must do to be fair
Take care of myself, my health, to carry on
But remember their names and faces as best I can
Living but waiting for the next opportunity
For an adventure to share with them
The friends and connections I have made so quickly
In these days in which I have been so lucky
I could have stayed... and somewhat regret that I did not. I went home sick, not horribly but at 4800 ft with lingering sore throat and cough it was enough. I found out someone else lived near me and was leaving. I had said I would volunteer for 4 days but only stayed for 2.
I'll miss the ghost stories tonight and I missed getting to see if Brianna was able to sing in front of her peers last night. She, Katrina and Valerie each took turns singing so I could hear them. Beautiful strong voices each of them. At least I spent 2 days with them. They know I care and will see them again. Though Valerie has aged out and the next time I see her might be the last. I hope not. When she saw I was going she ran up to me with a huge hug. Wishing I wouldn't go but not trying to convince me to stay, well not much. Brianna on the other hand, quite the convincing pout. She and her guy were very sweet I do hope the adults lay off them while I'm gone and let them spend some of the few moments they are not separated together.
I'm pretty terrible at this. I'm not good at thinking of things to do w/ my "lil' sister", my mentee that I was placed with, and even worse at sending in reports. She lives far away now. I don't see her that often when I do it is often strained, 13 is a hard age no matter what your life situation is. It's also hard for the person being there as a volunteer to stick with. I have my own busy life and it's hard to spend time with someone who acts like they don't want you there some of the time.
So, I find things to do or give it time, depending on the situation in both our lives. I do more than many and less than others, I do as much as I am willing and as much as I need to. At least when it comes to volunteering, maybe life in general too.
Seeing Julian was sad. So many skeletons of trees still. The signs of destruction from the fires so evident still in those silver/grey things shooting up to the sky. I wish somebody would clear them, let people take them for firewood, and not leave such an awful reminder. Give room for new growth.
These children they fight and cause trouble, but there is so much laughter and camaraderie. Part of me wishes I was still there and hates that worries for my health and how it may effect next week or later or work kept me from spending some more time with them.
I don't walk away with regret though, I will heal, clean up my house, work on one thing at a time for now, the next opportunity for adventure will come and I will leap at it. Just like missing friends or family, I miss them now, feeling slightly lonely for the loss of company but glad for the friendships & connections made.
I know that simple things can mean so much... That shielding the two a bit from the adults so they could flirt w/ out so much disdain. The fact that I skate that middle line between hanging out as a friend and an adult. That they see me as a camp counselor or volunteer but not really as another authority trying to rule their lives. I'll ride the big roller coasters and jump in the pool right along with them. Brianna begged me to stay because I kept my eyes out and all around but didn't try to dictate what they were doing unless it was out of line.
Was it right for me to leave? It doesn't it matter. Did I do enough? Yes, because I went and spent 2 days there. Could I have done more? It doesn't matter. Do I miss them? Yes.
