A lady to her knight..

The truth is you are on my mind
Each and every day
I'm just not sure what to write
What I want to say
What would bridge the distance
While you are so far away
Do I ask questions about your likes
Your family and your dreams
In return give you answers about me
Would you want to read
Messages filled with me babbling
About how I pass my days
Here on the mainland

Should I wax poetic
As I am doing so this moment
Or keep it short and simple but sweet

All the while as I write this
I wonder how things are with you
If you face rough seas
Or if your days are paced
With calm & steady waves
I have not known you long at all
Yet find my self willing to promise
Not to stray
To wait for the day you return
When I may see your face again
Sadly I can't help also wondering
Why it took so long to hear from you
Days and months passed with out word
But I am reassured by your promise
To return to me
From the dust and water
So far away
To stay with me a while
Till the day my knight errant
Is again sent on another quest

Road Trip

I've been away for a while
I took a trip in my car
I drove on my own
But friends were never far
I never really felt alone
Though I traveled to places
That were unknown to me
Saw beautiful sights & faces
Was reminded of sadness
and Greeted with smiles
Moments that will always
Be with me till the end of my days
I could not stay
In any one place for much time
Had to move along the road
Keep following the lines on the map
To see what else I might find
I don't know what I was looking for
I don't think that I found it
What I did find though was much more
No great answers to old questions
No compass to give me directions
Instead I had fantastic experiences
and Wonderful conversations
When I came home alone
I was still me
Still scared and excited about tomorrow
Still feeling quite lost and unsure
About my place in a quotidian world
But I'd had an incredible journey

Little Sandra Dee, that's not really me...

Tired of being thought of as Sandra Dee
Easily ignored, used and walked over
So easy to read
Little Sandra Dee with nothing new to say
So easy to tease
Stumbling over my words & feet
So easy to leave
Not worth keeping around
Such a prude better watch what you say
As if I haven't heard it all before
Well most of it anyway
Little Sandra Dee goody two shoes
Best keep your stockings straight
Round me and stick to the rules
Do I seem that serious
Do I come across as such a fool
So I don't smoke or toke on a tool
Yes, I did alright in school
Oh my god I even get along
With my parents still
No I'm not just another a fake
Under tons of make up
Does that mean you know me
I've just about had my fill
Of you saying that I'm sweet
Little Sandra Dee just another dummy
Ready to get on my knees
Believe what others say so easily
Follow their lead
Only to be kicked aside
Maybe I don't swear like a sailor
Doesn't mean I can't hold my own
Maybe I don't wear lace and leather
I can stand tall and turn heads
Probably drink you under the table
And show you a few things in bed
Though I prefer things simple and comfortable
Doesn't mean I don't seek adventure
Little Sandra Dee I come across to you
In the end I say believe whatever
The hell you want to my dear
Doesn't really matter to me

Choices and change...

I don't know what I'm trying to say

I woke up the other day

I wasn't alone and it felt right

Then it all changed again

Nothing can stay

I know it's true

Everything must rearrange 

Every so often and be made new

I could hold my breath

Till I'm blue in the face

But it wouldn't have made him 

Do anything any differently

We went our separate ways

The way it should be

Both supported by family

Our choices we make as we go

Even when they are not our own

We always have a choice 

They say but sometimes making

The right one will feel wrong

I wish I felt strong

That I was doing all I could do

I know I'm not though

I know there is more I could be

Doing for me

I have to forget about you now

I have to do whatever I can

To just go to bed and get up again

The next morning and be okay

It sounds foolish and so easy

You've fought battles far away

I probably sound crazy

That most of my battle is 

Right here in my head

But I know I'm not crazy

Scared and lonely maybe

Perhaps even rather lazy

I'm fighting to find my purpose

While you fight for my rights

I'm glad we had that one night

Though I hope to see you again

Sometime soon my friend

Till then I've got to live on

But I'll always keep my dance 

Card open for you to step in

When you get a chance

Finding My Moxie! Excerpts from my morning diary entry and then some...

I write these words, repeating private notes to share a bit of my heart with anyone who wants to read on.
I do not want anything from anyone who reads this except to share. To express to you, the reader, my fight against old fears. I am not giving in, not giving up and I will continue to fight for what I & those around me need.
The fact is I have been unemployed for a while now. I'm heading into my first extension from the government.
I have taken advantage of the spare time, or forced vacation as many wistfully call it, in both positive & negative ways.
I have given in at times to fears and sloth. Letting bad situations get me down and depress me.
The break has given me abundant time to help both friends and family get through hard days. For me to share wonderful moments & experiences with those I care about. I've had the opportunity to travel to beautiful places. The added ability to try out new things, to take a few classes and to learn from all around me.

I am trying to make the best of this situation. To learn more about myself and what I can do to accomplish my dreams & make new goals. I will have bad days here & there, like anyone, but I will not give up!

Sans Recule Jamais

Life moves forward with or with out you
You can not stop the tides from changing
Though you can predict them better than
How your day may turn out & effect you
I can no longer wait here on the shore
I'm done wading in the shallow end
I'll take my chances with the sharks
If that is what must be
Knowing they're much more rare
Than the wondrous creatures and
Sites that fill this world

We are incredible machines
Our muscles & bones can
Can reform & be redirected after injury
Our emotions are able to adjust
To varied painful & joyful situations
Our heart & soul can stretch
To handle any measure of difficulty
Is able to spread, to love, care & share
To glow from inside & out
Create its own strength & energy
To not only survive but live care free

We all have these gifts
Like we are all hooked up
To an invisible power grid
Its true like our modern facilities
There are brown & black outs
When resources are lessened
Leaving us feeling a bit lost
Times when many are distressed
When many feel weathered & week
But unlike our power plants & generators
Of man made energy created by
God given talents
Or whatever creator within or with out
That you believe in
There is no lack of voltage
In the lines
It will never run out
Though we may have a hard time
Tapping into our own spirit
To feel that electric charge from creative
Energy and compassionate actions
Some feel burned instead of activated
It shocks like static electricity
When we touch a door or person
Making us jump back & retract
We recoil instead of absorbing the force
Letting it strengthen us
We worry that if we connect
Put our heart & soul into it
We will run out
Leaving us drained, depleted & destroyed
But I tell you now
No fuck it, I tell me
I remind, command myself even, to remember
There is nothing to fear
There is no end, no limit, no expiration
It can not be exhausted or extinguished
There will always be resources & support
For those that believe in themselves and
Seek it out, always and forever...


We are not flowers
Cut at the base
In a dry vase
We are predatory birds
That can fly free
We do not need to wilt
Just because the answers
Are far from us
We can stand tall
Like strong far reaching trees
Find strength with in us
To roar like lions fighting for cubs
Find our own paths in the world
With out a map or instructions
Practically with our eyes closed
Like a migratory birds
Flying home after great adventures
Our resources will never be depleted
We can make our own spark
Find the spunk and courage
To move forward
Find wonder and hope
In the darkest of places
Raise your chin
Take in the sun
No matter how cloud
Covered the skies may seem
To you in this moment

Beach Bonfire (version 1 - To be edited)

Dancing in the rain
Forgetting all the pain
Yesterday brought us
Letting go all we feared
As the clouds cleared

We ran through the waves
Getting our jeans wet
Laughing as the sun set
Falling down below the horizon
Throwing shells
Back into the ocean
Who knows what coast
They'll end up on next
We fell down and got sand
All over us
Even in our pockets
Smoke rose up into the air
As fires were lit in circles
Marshmallows in bags
Beers hidden in boxes
We were invited for a round
Serenaded by the sweet sound
Of guy playing his guitar
Making new friends
Wishing the night wouldn't end
Chatting till dawn was near


Not happy w/ this one yet
Need to let it set
For another day...

Small Miracles

The moon hung low
Beyond the construction site
A random piece of debris
Floated twisting a bit at eye level
Some things have to be destroyed
To be built again stronger
There are some mysteries
That are questions we can't answer
Not that I'm saying not to try
But in the flower and it's smell is beauty
That we do not need to find
The reasons for them to be
I want to be as lighthearted as
That bit of foam I saw the winds
Carry so far above the Cliffs of Moher
That it landed softly on our heads
To not let myself be weighted down
By trivial worries that make me frown
Making me pause to think about it
Instead of just laughing about it
I saw a big shooting star pass over
You said it was space trash
I thought that that lessened it a bit
Then I realized how magnificent
If trash can become somebodies wish
That no matter what you believe in
I think putting our hopes out there
Helps us make them come true
If it's at all possible and
I know things that are unlikely
Happen every single day
In all kinds of strange ways
So I think on these things
When I need to find a reason
To smile