Mona Lisa, with her silent smile
Even thus she made great friends and
was remembered for an eternity,
hopefully she had a bit of fun whilst alive.
Worry not for her hidden smile,
she is but an 8 X 10 of what comes forward,
forever sense her demise,
but be not sad for her loss,
yet be glad for what you have to carry forward forever onward...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The Dance...
I am still reluctant you see
You might not understand
Though the flower may seem succulent
I am not the type that fans
A beauty's needs just by intuition
No, I have forgetten that gifted notion
Though given to me by my family
It was shunned by society
To understand what is wanted
When the tune is played just so
For me to know how a body
Wants to move to the tune
How to find the beat
Of the drum just so
Please know I am not ignoring
Your whim or wishes
Just following the beat
Of my own rhythm within
For it is all that I know
I am not meaning to be rude
Or in anyway to follow suit
To another fools ways
But find my own cadence
You might not understand
Though the flower may seem succulent
I am not the type that fans
A beauty's needs just by intuition
No, I have forgetten that gifted notion
Though given to me by my family
It was shunned by society
To understand what is wanted
When the tune is played just so
For me to know how a body
Wants to move to the tune
How to find the beat
Of the drum just so
Please know I am not ignoring
Your whim or wishes
Just following the beat
Of my own rhythm within
For it is all that I know
I am not meaning to be rude
Or in anyway to follow suit
To another fools ways
But find my own cadence
A moment remembered, a dance:
You completely devastated me
In the best kind of way
In the dance I was free
In that moment I wanted to stay
You could not change the distance
Nor how you felt about me
The music put us in a trance
It was enough to believe
That everything could be as it seemed
Nothing more was needed
Though in all honesty it was wanted
I gave you everything I had
In that very moment
It may not have been all of me
It was all I was able
Still you walked away
You had no choice
You could not stay
The music continues on
Do we find a way to stay strong
Do we find a way to get along
With each other in this struggle
Such is life, such is love
As a great philosopher once said
Unrequited love is the greatest of all
Unappreciated things,
And I will love you always for that dance....
In the best kind of way
In the dance I was free
In that moment I wanted to stay
You could not change the distance
Nor how you felt about me
The music put us in a trance
It was enough to believe
That everything could be as it seemed
Nothing more was needed
Though in all honesty it was wanted
I gave you everything I had
In that very moment
It may not have been all of me
It was all I was able
Still you walked away
You had no choice
You could not stay
The music continues on
Do we find a way to stay strong
Do we find a way to get along
With each other in this struggle
Such is life, such is love
As a great philosopher once said
Unrequited love is the greatest of all
Unappreciated things,
And I will love you always for that dance....
Saturday, October 9, 2010
What is it to be good?
Mercy and forgiveness, or just stupidity?
The tears running down my face now
Well they tell me that being bad would
Have been good
Not letting him walk away
Not trying to let it go
That's gone over so very well
What the fuck is wrong with me
That he can still get under my skin
And am I really the better person
For letting him walk way from it
For not letting him have it finally
For not telling him what an asshole
He is being or finally punching him
In the face, He deserves it
To be knocked out of his senses
Or maybe even into them
"Be Good"
My mom has gotten in the habit
Lately, I've noticed
Of saying for me to "be good"
I'm not really sure what that means
Not really, anymore, these days
Does my meaning fit up to hers
Does me living a full life
Mean not being good in some way
If so I don't want it honestly
Not that I want to hurt her or
Make her not like what I do
However I won't be what some
Old fashioned version of good
Used to be, I live in the here and now
I'm going to live the best I know how
That's just going to have to be good enough
For everyone involved
Maybe I'm being to harsh
I'm sure she's just trying to look out
For me, to remind me to do my best
To take care of myself and the rest
Shall fall into place
Good, like beauty, is in the eye
Of the beholder and we often mistake
What we want for what is right
Everyday a new decisions to make
Forever trying to find a happy
Medium between heart and brain
Between logic and emotion
What you must do is remain
True to yourself, not worry about resolution
Seek what you dream for and not be fake
Do you best to go with the flow
Try to think of obstacles and mistakes
As learning lessons and you'll show
Everyone that you're good, in your own way
The tears running down my face now
Well they tell me that being bad would
Have been good
Not letting him walk away
Not trying to let it go
That's gone over so very well
What the fuck is wrong with me
That he can still get under my skin
And am I really the better person
For letting him walk way from it
For not letting him have it finally
For not telling him what an asshole
He is being or finally punching him
In the face, He deserves it
To be knocked out of his senses
Or maybe even into them
"Be Good"
My mom has gotten in the habit
Lately, I've noticed
Of saying for me to "be good"
I'm not really sure what that means
Not really, anymore, these days
Does my meaning fit up to hers
Does me living a full life
Mean not being good in some way
If so I don't want it honestly
Not that I want to hurt her or
Make her not like what I do
However I won't be what some
Old fashioned version of good
Used to be, I live in the here and now
I'm going to live the best I know how
That's just going to have to be good enough
For everyone involved
Maybe I'm being to harsh
I'm sure she's just trying to look out
For me, to remind me to do my best
To take care of myself and the rest
Shall fall into place
Good, like beauty, is in the eye
Of the beholder and we often mistake
What we want for what is right
Everyday a new decisions to make
Forever trying to find a happy
Medium between heart and brain
Between logic and emotion
What you must do is remain
True to yourself, not worry about resolution
Seek what you dream for and not be fake
Do you best to go with the flow
Try to think of obstacles and mistakes
As learning lessons and you'll show
Everyone that you're good, in your own way
Thursday, October 7, 2010
After visiting a local Haunt...
Hmmm... Can I actually post something everyday and not have it be boring?
I suppose if it's just a few random and not overly detailed thoughts.... Not sure everyday is going to work. We shall see...
After Visiting a Local Haunt
Dead tired and heading to sleep soon.
Was out and about downtown
Watched Zombies and Ghouls
Though hallows eve is not yet
Upon us, indeed the actors
Put on a fine show filled with screams
Now I should have crashed ages ago
Though awake I am, my brain going
Wildly of things that breed dreams
That would scare anyone from the bed
So I wrote this a week ago... I was too tired to finish. So to answer the question I asked myself, no I can't post everyday. It's not a matter of whether it'd get boring, which if I did post every day it might. But instead that I simply am not able to post every day, it's just not how I work. Maybe nearly, almost everyday, sometimes more than once a day if I find the inspiration and the time. That is the magic combination indeed, the muse and timing.
Night Terrors
I keep my mind closed
For I fear what I might let out
Haven't you ever been afraid
Of the dark slivery dreams
That wake you from sleep
Screaming sweating and sitting
Straight up as if you are about to rush
Away from what felt so real
You look out into the darkness of
Mid Night and for a moment
Think yourself blind
Suck in your breath from the relentless
Fear that has gripped you and sent
You to a place that doesn't exist
But makes you glad for the daily
Grind and the happy day dreams
You can think up but not have
For that life as horrible as it seems
During the daylight is indeed
So much better than that darkness
That can get you when you try to rest
If you are haunted by nightmares
I suppose if it's just a few random and not overly detailed thoughts.... Not sure everyday is going to work. We shall see...
After Visiting a Local Haunt
Dead tired and heading to sleep soon.
Was out and about downtown
Watched Zombies and Ghouls
Though hallows eve is not yet
Upon us, indeed the actors
Put on a fine show filled with screams
Now I should have crashed ages ago
Though awake I am, my brain going
Wildly of things that breed dreams
That would scare anyone from the bed
So I wrote this a week ago... I was too tired to finish. So to answer the question I asked myself, no I can't post everyday. It's not a matter of whether it'd get boring, which if I did post every day it might. But instead that I simply am not able to post every day, it's just not how I work. Maybe nearly, almost everyday, sometimes more than once a day if I find the inspiration and the time. That is the magic combination indeed, the muse and timing.
Night Terrors
I keep my mind closed
For I fear what I might let out
Haven't you ever been afraid
Of the dark slivery dreams
That wake you from sleep
Screaming sweating and sitting
Straight up as if you are about to rush
Away from what felt so real
You look out into the darkness of
Mid Night and for a moment
Think yourself blind
Suck in your breath from the relentless
Fear that has gripped you and sent
You to a place that doesn't exist
But makes you glad for the daily
Grind and the happy day dreams
You can think up but not have
For that life as horrible as it seems
During the daylight is indeed
So much better than that darkness
That can get you when you try to rest
If you are haunted by nightmares
So often my ideas come when least convenient, usually when I'm driving and can't write. For some reason when I'm working on getting from point A to point B is when I'm distracted enough from life's worries, but have to be somewhat focused and can't completely space out, that's when my ideas seem to come the most. One of these days I'll think to have a recorder in the car. Till then I just have to hope to be lucky and remember the thoughts that pop into my head and race around it while the tires spin me home....
The previous bit popped into my head tonight on the way home and was inspired by movie promos for upcoming Halloween season themed movies (ie My Soul To Take and Let the Right One In)
All Hallows Eve...
Through the foggy eve at the edge of the forest
You hear the dark witch cackle
As green smoke rises and the fire crackles
Calmly a woman dressed in muted shades
Concentrates on white light as she makes
A salve for a wound and recites a prayer
Of healing at the edge of a lions lair
He's survived the summer heat of the Cali desert
But nearly not a old hunters six shooter
He was lost lonely and afraid
She knew he could not be blamed
The night plays tricks on us all
Listening you can hear the wolfs call
Is it man or creature or both, under the moon
Full it's golden face does not assume
Nor make judgement on those it watches
A little girl trying to sell boxes of matches
But no one can hear her or see her
She is but a chill and a shiver
Her ghostly pale skin is mistaken
For rays of the moons light as she is forsaken
Though there is at least one who has not forgotten
A mother or brother who will always remember
And a candle will be lit on the first of November
There are those that can no longer walk in the sun
For it burns their skin and they are forced to run
From it's warmth forever and those that must
Drink in metals or suffer their bodies turning to rust
Decaying away or choose to live for eternity
Yet scorned for lives marked by severity
For their moods often turn sharp and violent
Most do not understand the gifts they are sent
Hating them or taking them for granted
Some relish them far too greatly taking all wanted
Even when it is not earned, willing to spill blood
Many do not know what they can do till a flood
Of emotions changes their prospective in the heat
Of the moment, hopefully when such a feat
Occurs of bravery or stupidity or both, no one
Is hurt, but lives on even after the day is done
Through the darkness of night when the stars
Decide the fate of our lives from afar
Though they do not really care they just like to tell tall
Tales to each other, knowing they may be next to fall
We dance in the darkness in bright shades and make
Music so loud the dead can not sleep, celebrating a wake
For all those that have passed and no longer
Need to breath or sleep or fear or wander
Though there are some who can not rest
For them we save the wildest and craziest
Dreams and wishes for these become
Their bread and butter, their thread of hope
Till they find what they've been missing
And move on, no longer haunting the living or wishing
For an end
You hear the dark witch cackle
As green smoke rises and the fire crackles
Calmly a woman dressed in muted shades
Concentrates on white light as she makes
A salve for a wound and recites a prayer
Of healing at the edge of a lions lair
He's survived the summer heat of the Cali desert
But nearly not a old hunters six shooter
He was lost lonely and afraid
She knew he could not be blamed
The night plays tricks on us all
Listening you can hear the wolfs call
Is it man or creature or both, under the moon
Full it's golden face does not assume
Nor make judgement on those it watches
A little girl trying to sell boxes of matches
But no one can hear her or see her
She is but a chill and a shiver
Her ghostly pale skin is mistaken
For rays of the moons light as she is forsaken
Though there is at least one who has not forgotten
A mother or brother who will always remember
And a candle will be lit on the first of November
There are those that can no longer walk in the sun
For it burns their skin and they are forced to run
From it's warmth forever and those that must
Drink in metals or suffer their bodies turning to rust
Decaying away or choose to live for eternity
Yet scorned for lives marked by severity
For their moods often turn sharp and violent
Most do not understand the gifts they are sent
Hating them or taking them for granted
Some relish them far too greatly taking all wanted
Even when it is not earned, willing to spill blood
Many do not know what they can do till a flood
Of emotions changes their prospective in the heat
Of the moment, hopefully when such a feat
Occurs of bravery or stupidity or both, no one
Is hurt, but lives on even after the day is done
Through the darkness of night when the stars
Decide the fate of our lives from afar
Though they do not really care they just like to tell tall
Tales to each other, knowing they may be next to fall
We dance in the darkness in bright shades and make
Music so loud the dead can not sleep, celebrating a wake
For all those that have passed and no longer
Need to breath or sleep or fear or wander
Though there are some who can not rest
For them we save the wildest and craziest
Dreams and wishes for these become
Their bread and butter, their thread of hope
Till they find what they've been missing
And move on, no longer haunting the living or wishing
For an end
My Bucket List...
I have a bucket list of places I want to go...
This is my top 5...
Hawaii ~ to see my Aunt Patty, hang with my favorite Sister-in-law Denise & search out some beautiful waterfalls. Feel that hot sand and see those spiders and geekos I remember from when I was there when I was only four, also all the other wonderful things that the Islands have to offer...
Italy ~ The food may not be as good as France from what I've been told. However, to see the architecture, the art, the atmosphere... well I don't really know how to say it, but I have to go.
Scotland ~ for many reasons... some of my family was from there, it's beautiful and such, I have friends that were born there and a few that still live there, and I have a short story or maybe full on novel set there.
New Zealand ~ So many reasons but it all starts with the bird and ends with the beer... of course I'd love to see all the amazing landscape that changes rapidly throughout the areas, but really it has to do with my name initially. I really want to see and hear a Tui bird and go to the Tui Brewery, and have lots and lots of Tui lager and Tui Blonde!
New York City ~ However, with 2 special pre-requisites: to go with someone who knows the town and can show me around and w/ a ticket to a Broadway show. It was one thing to go alone to Ireland, I loved it and would do it again in a heartbeat, but to go to the big city ~ the Big Apple, well I just prefer to go with someone who knows the ins and outs of a place that's not so easy to figure out on ones own.
That's my Top Five, don't get me wrong... there are many more places I want to go, many many many more... but those were my top five...
There are many places in the states I want to see: Yosemite, the Carolinas or Maryland during the fall change, Chicago (particularly the underground),Colorado where my GG Grandparents first settled and I have the journal entries about their travels, Salem, MA and WA near the beach where my Uncle Jon lives to start with...
I also very much want to travel to India and many places in it, to go to Morocco, the wonderful all inclusive spot in Jamaica my sister went to, the Caribbean, China where I could find marble stamps with my name on it like my grandmother did and learn about beautiful art and proverbs, any wonderful blue/green beach, Prague, Beerfest in Munich, the Bone Church in Moscow, the underground of Paris and wonderful little towns with their fabulous food and heritage in Southern France...
aw yes the list could truly go on for quite a while, though that does cover quite a bit.
A few places I'd love to go back to: Ireland and Greece most of all.
That's the start of my bucket list...
I have a few more that have nothing to do with travel:
This is my top 5...
Hawaii ~ to see my Aunt Patty, hang with my favorite Sister-in-law Denise & search out some beautiful waterfalls. Feel that hot sand and see those spiders and geekos I remember from when I was there when I was only four, also all the other wonderful things that the Islands have to offer...
Italy ~ The food may not be as good as France from what I've been told. However, to see the architecture, the art, the atmosphere... well I don't really know how to say it, but I have to go.
Scotland ~ for many reasons... some of my family was from there, it's beautiful and such, I have friends that were born there and a few that still live there, and I have a short story or maybe full on novel set there.
New Zealand ~ So many reasons but it all starts with the bird and ends with the beer... of course I'd love to see all the amazing landscape that changes rapidly throughout the areas, but really it has to do with my name initially. I really want to see and hear a Tui bird and go to the Tui Brewery, and have lots and lots of Tui lager and Tui Blonde!
New York City ~ However, with 2 special pre-requisites: to go with someone who knows the town and can show me around and w/ a ticket to a Broadway show. It was one thing to go alone to Ireland, I loved it and would do it again in a heartbeat, but to go to the big city ~ the Big Apple, well I just prefer to go with someone who knows the ins and outs of a place that's not so easy to figure out on ones own.
That's my Top Five, don't get me wrong... there are many more places I want to go, many many many more... but those were my top five...
There are many places in the states I want to see: Yosemite, the Carolinas or Maryland during the fall change, Chicago (particularly the underground),Colorado where my GG Grandparents first settled and I have the journal entries about their travels, Salem, MA and WA near the beach where my Uncle Jon lives to start with...
I also very much want to travel to India and many places in it, to go to Morocco, the wonderful all inclusive spot in Jamaica my sister went to, the Caribbean, China where I could find marble stamps with my name on it like my grandmother did and learn about beautiful art and proverbs, any wonderful blue/green beach, Prague, Beerfest in Munich, the Bone Church in Moscow, the underground of Paris and wonderful little towns with their fabulous food and heritage in Southern France...
aw yes the list could truly go on for quite a while, though that does cover quite a bit.
A few places I'd love to go back to: Ireland and Greece most of all.
That's the start of my bucket list...
I have a few more that have nothing to do with travel:
- Skydive ~ cause how else does one face a fear of flying / falling?
- Taking an outdoor adventure somewhere like Kenya, the sort where you live off the land or close to it
- Stay in a Castle in Europe, preferably an authentic one thats not horribly run down or really touristy.
- Publish a Book of my short stories, maybe a novel too or two of my fantasy stories, also a coffee table sort of book of photos of crazy staircases and interesting reflections
- Write a book of my GG Grandmother K. Brackenbury's travels from England to Colorado then SD
- Own some property
- Publish a poem again
- Have my own business again, even if on the side
- As cheesy as it sounds ~ Fall in love (someday) and have it be mutual.
- Live in The City for a while ~ LA, SF, or NY would count... SD doesn't, though it'll aways be my home
- If I never have kids (which I'm not totally ruling out, but it isn't likely) know I've helped a few a long the way at having life a bit better
- Always find time time here and there to volunteer with some great events & causes.
- Go to New Orleans for Marde Gras
- A cross country (or close) road trip with friends, a crazy trip or a few to Vegas too. Going w/ boyfriends is so boring, at least the idiots I've dated.
- Get a Credit in a Movie ~ why the F' not, it's a freak'n bucket list! Though as a PA or DA would suit me quite well
- Since I'm going there ~ go to the Playboy Mansion for a party, preferably Halloween
That's all I can think of for now, it's pretty personal (meaning there's lots of things I would want to happen for other people, but that has nothing to do w/ a bucket list) and there definitely a few things I could add, but it's pretty good for a start ;)
This suits me pretty well...
I could add things about my hobbies and my art but they are ever changing and evolving...
About my career, well for now that's about money, though part of my bucket list (if I would be truly honest) would be to find something to do to make money that I love to do... but for now~ doing work with good people that affords me time to do things I love and makes me just enough money to do them, well that's pretty damned good indeed!
F*#k, as I told somebody last week, at one point many years ago my biggest goal was just to have a job with no damned name tag. I love my oddball name, truly, though it can be very annoying at times. You ever try having to repeat the story or meaning to your name every 4.5 minutes throughout an 8 hr shift day to day, over and over again? It's awfully frustrating, no matter how sure of yourself you are or who you might be, it can still be nerve-racking at times.
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