lost time...

I feel like I just woke up
From a coma that lasted years
That I've been recovering from
My mind and body being nearly
Dormant for so very long
I'm looking back at all the time
Wasted and try to remember I'm strong
For just having gotten through fine
But I'm so angry with myself
Somedays for what I helped happen
Like a drug induced over dose
I said yes instead of no
I stayed there don't you see
I should have walked away long ago
Now I have all this time to look
Back on, and try to tell my self
No regrets, to put it on the shelf
All that hate along with the book
Full of lies given to me long ago
Light a box of matches, throw it back
Watch it burn up in ash and smoke
Then turn around and never look back
I feel like I've missed something
Sometimes, usually late at night
When I hear the songs others sing
About grand adventures and sights
But I know it's never too late
If I wake up tomorrow
I'm going to plan a trip, set a date
With wild abandon and kiss sorrow
A long bitter sweet farewell

Till that day...

Like Conan on his Throne
I wait here, mostly alone
It is not exactly what I chose
But it is better than being frozen
In some pathetic state of mind
Even if I had the choice I wouldn't rewind
My life to some so called better time
Thinking I could make it all in line
With some wishful thinking
To where things made sense
All the happy moments linking
Together to some better rememberence
Some remaking of reality that never was
With him still the knight shining as he never was
But seemed to be meant to be for all eternity
To shine on as a beacon of serenity
No, one day he'll be seen to all
As the fool that was meant to fall
Before you all, that time will eventually call
For now I wait silently knowing some may stall
What is to come, for that which has built the walls
They will soon fall, my voice will be heard
You may loom a bit far, but you'll hear my words
For my silence has gone on long enough now
and being true to my heart I will forever vow
I know the truth, there is not much more to say
But if I find another whose heart is true, I will never stray

At Midnight's hour I give in to your embrace...

Release of the heart like this is rare and scary...
The song calls quietly and sweetly, though
At this hour it calls in a manic kind of way
Although your story is short and sweet
We know how to disregard this stay
Of heart, to let it go as taught by
The grand persons that came before us
To know the stories but ignore them by and by
You know the key to sing my dear
Is there any more to care about really
I give you this bit of hope to hold on to
I ask you to hold on to it dearly
It may be all we have in these dark days
That may come, whether by our making
Or the bureaucracy of the mob mentality
To believe what the group wants us too
I tell you, I do not mean to stay and be
As they preached to us, in that way
To not see between the lines and be swayed
By the majority rule of what should be
Please take my hand, wrap your arms around
My heart, in the darkness of night I'll see
What you've been trying to tell me
That we can be free simply by believing
By being and living a free fun life...
That it is possible even in this crazy world
If you're here by my side...

A discrepant Oil Painting...

Mona Lisa, with her silent smile
Even thus she made great friends and
was remembered for an eternity,
hopefully she had a bit of fun whilst alive.
Worry not for her hidden smile,
she is but an 8 X 10 of what comes forward,
forever sense her demise,
but be not sad for her loss,
yet be glad for what you have to carry forward forever onward...

The Dance...

I am still reluctant you see
You might not understand
Though the flower may seem succulent
I am not the type that fans
A beauty's needs just by intuition
No, I have forgetten that gifted notion
Though given to me by my family
It was shunned by society
To understand what is wanted
When the tune is played just so
For me to know how a body
Wants to move to the tune
How to find the beat
Of the drum just so
Please know I am not ignoring
Your whim or wishes
Just following the beat
Of my own rhythm within
For it is all that I know
I am not meaning to be rude
Or in anyway to follow suit
To another fools ways
But find my own cadence

A moment remembered, a dance:

You completely devastated me
In the best kind of way
In the dance I was free
In that moment I wanted to stay
You could not change the distance
Nor how you felt about me
The music put us in a trance
It was enough to believe
That everything could be as it seemed
Nothing more was needed
Though in all honesty it was wanted
I gave you everything I had
In that very moment
It may not have been all of me
It was all I was able
Still you walked away
You had no choice
You could not stay
The music continues on
Do we find a way to stay strong
Do we find a way to get along
With each other in this struggle
Such is life, such is love
As a great philosopher once said
Unrequited love is the greatest of all
Unappreciated things,
And I will love you always for that dance....

What is it to be good?

Mercy and forgiveness, or just stupidity?
The tears running down my face now
Well they tell me that being bad would
Have been good
Not letting him walk away
Not trying to let it go
That's gone over so very well
What the fuck is wrong with me
That he can still get under my skin
And am I really the better person
For letting him walk way from it
For not letting him have it finally
For not telling him what an asshole
He is being or finally punching him
In the face, He deserves it
To be knocked out of his senses
Or maybe even into them

"Be Good"
My mom has gotten in the habit
Lately, I've noticed
Of saying for me to "be good"
I'm not really sure what that means
Not really, anymore, these days
Does my meaning fit up to hers
Does me living a full life
Mean not being good in some way
If so I don't want it honestly
Not that I want to hurt her or
Make her not like what I do
However I won't be what some
Old fashioned version of good
Used to be, I live in the here and now
I'm going to live the best I know how
That's just going to have to be good enough
For everyone involved

Maybe I'm being to harsh
I'm sure she's just trying to look out
For me, to remind me to do my best
To take care of myself and the rest
Shall fall into place
Good, like beauty, is in the eye
Of the beholder and we often mistake
What we want for what is right
Everyday a new decisions to make
Forever trying to find a happy
Medium between heart and brain
Between logic and emotion
What you must do is remain
True to yourself, not worry about resolution
Seek what you dream for and not be fake
Do you best to go with the flow
Try to think of obstacles and mistakes
As learning lessons and you'll show
Everyone that you're good, in your own way